How to set boundaries that are true to your values

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There will always be people around you that act in a way that is inconsistent with your values

It may be that they say something, do something around you. It could be they do something directly towards you, this is where things can get really challenging. It’s good to have a plan so that you can minimize the impact of the power you give this. It will help with your personal wellness and ability to maintain your peace.

When it happens around you

When someone speaks to something that doesn’t align with your values you really have 3 choices.

  1. Share your perspective – This only works if your intention is only to share. Chances of someone changing their perspective are not in your control. So the only thing we can do is give ours away. What they do with it is really their choice.
  2. Understand their perspective – Get curious not furious! Ask questions, work to understand their values and belief. The most important thing is to ask questions that are simply to know more, not to guide a change for them.
  3. Agree to disagree – Sometimes you just won’t see eye to eye, and that’s okay. Each person is a result of their values, beliefs and life. So be gentle with yourself and the other person and use care in the words you choose.

When it is directed at you

I find this to be the hardest part, definitely difficult to not let it in and take it personally. So here are a few things I use to help me maintain my wellness.

  1. Ask for help – There is nothing wrong with acknowledging you need help. So reach out to an expert, trusted adviser, mentor or coach.
  2. Find the truth not the story – When we speak about what has happened more than needed it only builds, so find the truth in it and leave it at that.
  3. It’s okay to be emotional – We all need a good cry now and then. So take the time you need to heal. Just keep it as short as you can so you can move on. Be gentle with yourself, if you feel emotion acknowledge it, understand it. Don’t judge it.
  4. Remember your values and why you have them – Stay true to who you are!

It will feel like you are on a rocky bridge. You may feel sad, angry or helpless . When someone directs their judgement or values on you it may be hard to remember that you have worth.

The most important thing you can do

Let them own their behavior, it isn’t yours to carry. What is yours is how you let it affect you, or how much power you give them. As Sarah said in the movie Labryinth “You have no power over me”

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